Creation of America

The process of creation was long, occasionally painful, and explosively noisy. Finally, the Lord pushed his exhausted body up, turned around, and with a visible disgust, though, not without a certain degree of curiosity, looked down at a final product of his labor.

Down there, very far away, bathed in gentle azure waves, and cherished by tender, cotton-like foam, was a piece of terra firma bearing a proud name of the United States of America.

And the Lord beheld. And he saw that there were pornstar-whores making millions a year, and honest women working for less than eight dollars per hour; there were red-cheeked youngish politicians with diplomas of Harvard and IQs of morons accustomed to using their voters as toilet paper; there were enormous columns of sodomites marching down the main streets of the main cities proudly wobbling their hardworking asses. A human word love was forgotten and replaced by bestial sex. Selfishness was idealized by people and corrupt philosophers, and became known as individualism. Greediness turned into a highest virtue. “I” became a center of their universe. And above all, there was a bum with five or six rotten teeth left in his mouth fiercely rallying against Obama's health care plan.

And the Lord understood that that land was a heaven for whores, perverts, and monsters. He became very ashamed of himself, looked at a floating America for the last time, pinched his nose, and flushed the toilet...